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PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES

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One Summer : America 1927 written by Bill Bryson is a  book that highlights all the great happenings of the infamous summer 1927, including Babe Ruth’s rise to fame with 60 home runs, the decisions of Wall Street policy makers that became the fore runner of the 1929 crash, Charles Lindbergh’s flight in a cloth-covered plane (yes) from Paris to New York, television was introduced to the American public, and Henry Ford stopped making the MODEL T. The book also brings in many other savory characters, such as Al Capone and Dorothy Parker, making for a very interesting read. Makes you wonder if there was ever another summer to compare!

Reading the book brought to mind some of my own favorite happenings during summer. Growing up in a small rural town on a farm in central Illinois, the happenings do not equate with those in One Summer: America 1927 and yet those summers are like a movie that replay in my brain bringing me JOY! Summers included riding our horses, going with the family to participate in local parades as dressed up pioneers to ride in the Conestoga wagon my Dad had rigged up,  a Sunday swim in a small man-made lake, picking cherries from our trees in the corner of our front yard, waiting for the mailman each day by the gate at 10:05 AM because he gave us each a piece of Dentyne gum, trips to the local A & W root beer stand (where I eventually had my first job at 15) and helping mom and the neighbor ladies prepare the food on the days the local farmers came to help Dad with our crop of hay (and of course that meant the boys from town would be coming out to work on the farm that day….whoo hoo!). Even though we did not own our farm and had to work the land to live there, times were good and those summer days are close to the most favorite times of my life.

“And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.” (F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby)

What was your favorite summer and what memories do you have?

PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES

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Last Days of School:

With this holiday weekend of Memorial Day approaching, it signals that the last days of school for this year have just happened or will be happening in a few days….a week at the most. So, students that means no more reading, writing, listening, tests or homework! Really??  Well, maybe we shouldn’t throw all of the above out for the eight weeks of summer.

I would venture to say that reading and writing are the two most important areas that should not be put up on a shelf during the summer. This is true for all students, not just those who were getting some extra help during the school year. In fact, many reading specialists who have researched this topic clearly point out that children who do not read during the summer can lose several months of reading and academic progress. So, here are some ideas for your kids or grandkids to put in to practice this summer to lessen the opportunity to lose reading skills.

  • Make going to the library a weekly excursion.
  • Make a list together with your child about topics and books they would like to read during the summer.
  • Let the child pick some of his own books when guided to the area of the right reading level.
  • Read to your child every single day, even if it is only for 15 minutes.
  • Have many variations of print in your home….books, magazines, maps, pamphlets, coupons, grocery lists, written letters,  etc.
  • Have set times when the adults and the children in the house read on their own for short periods of time. Even small children can have their own bookshelf with picture books they look at during this quiet time.
  • After quiet reading, each family member shares two things they learned from their book. (All answers as long as on topic can be correct).
  • If the child has written language skills, let them write the grocery list (phonetic spelling is fine here) or write the notes to other family members regarding their whereabouts and when the return time is.
  • Search on-line for some sites that have free download books that can be read on the iPad (not all reading should be this way).
  • Get out the paints or crayons and have the children make book marks for themselves and each family member.
  • As a grandparent, I always give a book for every occasion I can think of in the child’s life.

These are just a few ideas to encourage the LOVE and JOY of reading in children. If a child does not learn to like and come to love books and reading, they will not promote it for themselves as  adults, or model it in their own homes one day.

Remember: “You cannot open a book without learning something” (Confucius)

 

 

PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES

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What is WEALTH anyway?

Looking at the picture of Vegas from a few years ago, one might think wealth resides in the glitz, glamour and the allure of ‘winning big’. However, as we all know, Vegas is just for fun sometimes and most of us either break even, win or lose a few dollars, and not much more.

Some define wealth as having a fantabulous home, being able to take extended vacations, or a healthy bottom line in the bank. And there is nothing wrong with aspiring to attain these things. Maybe at some point we have been pretty ill or suffered an accident, and we come to understand that wealth  truly is having good health and being able to physically do the things we desire. As we age and we see our children grown into adults or feel those little loving arms of a grandchild around us, we know that this is pure JOY and wealth in our lives. Most probably wealth has different meanings for each of us during different phases of our lives.

Today, I opened my computer and this quote was the first thing I saw. Truly, I read it several times before it sank in, and now I am reflecting on it for myself. I encourage you to do the same.

“Wealth is a measure of our well-being, most accurately measured in the quality of the human capital and relationships, and the hope and expectations of those relationships.” (Frank J. Hanna,  from  A Graduate’s Guide to Life as noted on Dynamic Catholic.com)

PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES

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Hello all,

I had to be off-line for the last few weeks due to a family emergency. I do apologize for any inconvenience. So, we will continue on where we left off talking about Aubrey Drake Graham’s quote:“Live without pretending, love without depending, listen without defending, speak without offending.” 

The first two sections of the quote we have covered, so let’s start today with “listen without defending”.  Many times in our lives we probably do not listen actively or with our hearts. Certainly, we do hear the words, but words do several  things after going into our ears. They may just float around in our head along with all the other non-essential things, not really stopping to land; they may trigger previous conversations about the topic at hand, bringing up emotions; or they may initiate the defense mechanism which results in vindicating our position on the topic…..justifying why it isn’t so. So, yes we listened, but not with our hearts. We were too busy preparing our defense to really ‘hear’ the message. How much simpler would it be to listen consciously to what is being said, and not feel that we had to defend. We never need to defend who we are; we are valuable and worthy.

The last phrase of this quote speak without offending is probably one of biggest challenges of life. Do you know why? I believe it is because we all want to be right…….right about our opinions, our actions and even about our plans. Most of the time, we don’t really try to offend; but in haste, we may say things that we don’t really mean or just blurt out our unfiltered thoughts. Remember that old saying your parents probably said at least 100 times…..if you can’t say anything nice to your sister/brother, then don’t say anything at all. I think that is still good advice as adults. Perhaps a good way to think about what we say is to ask ourselves:

  • Are my words necessary?
  • Will my words uplift?
  • Are my words kind?
  • Are  my words truthful?

Even though there is that old saying : Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me. Truth be known: words can hurt, and once said, they can never be taken back.

 

How can you change your listening and speaking to be more POSITIVE and bring more JOY to others?

 

 

 

 

PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES

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Aubrey Drake Graham, singer/producer, is credited with this quote:

“Live without pretending, love without depending, listen without defending, speak without offending.” After contemplating on the Four Agreements the last couple of weeks, this seems like an appropriate follow-up to share.

Isn’t it hard work to pretend you are someone you really authentically are not? It requires energy, time, and fruitless effort. You can’t just be; you have to think and plan out HOW you are going to be. Acting……. but life is not being in a play: of course, if you have a lot of drama going on, it might feel like a play…..someone else’s perhaps. One’s best bet is to be real….real about how you present yourself to the world. The ‘real you’ , not the one you imagine, is great, more than great and is valued by others. So, let the real you come forth.

I think the next line about loving without depending is all about balancing. In any good relationship, there has to be some depending. For example, we may depend on our partner/friend to keep our trusted agreements for the relationship or to assist us with household ‘stuff’ (so it all gets done, right?).  Depending becomes an issue when it begins to immobilize one in their own arena of life; there is an overwhelming unhealthy dependence to the point that one no longer has control of his/her life. Dependence often comes with neediness. Independence, on the other hand, is healthy and necessary  for balance in the relationship, even the relationship with one’s inner self. (You trust that you can do what ever it takes.) Independence means that one can function in life without ‘having to have’ the approval to act. Independence means that one has JOY and PURPOSE in life that is not dependent on another’s  words or actions. This comes from independently developing one’s own personal values, activities,  and follow through with right action. Too much independence, to the exclusion of consideration for what the other person wants and needs, becomes an issue, much as too much dependence does. Thus, the healthy balancing act between the two. Each person can then interact without sacrificing their personal beliefs and values.

Next time we will talk about the last four lines regarding  listening and speaking.

Where are you on the dependence/independence continuum?

 

PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES

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Fourth/Final Agreement: Always Do Your Best

At last, we have reached  the fourth and final agreement from Don Miguel Ruiz’s Book, “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, a Toltec Wisdom Book” : Always Do Your Best.

Of course, one would think this is consistently going to be what you strive for in work, relationships, or for that matter, in whatever you are involved with in this life. If we are honest though, sometimes, other things can get in the way of putting forth your best. Maybe it is a tough day; maybe you are not feeling so great; maybe ‘old stuff’ bubbles to the surface and it is hard to get to best for the day. When those days happen, I think it is important to tell ourselves that THIS IS  our best for today, given the situation with which we have to work. Negative self talk just won’t help.

We need  to remember that ‘our best’ can look and feel different from day-to-day, month to month or even in different phases of our life. Best can have various definitions for each of us in any given situation. That is life: that is how it works, like it or not. This too is okay, more than okay. In fact, if we are doing our best in life, then it would seem that best should show up differently as we grow, develop and move forward in life.

Don Miguel Ruiz says: ” Doing your best, you are going to live your life intensely. You are going to be productive, you are going to be good to yourself, because you will be giving yourself to your family, to your community, to everything.”

For me, this spells PURPOSE, JOY and POSITIVES in my life.

How do you define ‘your best’ in the main areas of your life?

 

PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES

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Third Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions

We continue on with the third agreement from Don Miguel Ruiz’s Book, “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, a Toltec Wisdom Book”.  This one can really get us into trouble when not adhered to.

All too often we find ourselves ‘rushing in with our own thoughts’ as others are talking with us. Instead of listening, really listening, we drum up our own version, which usually involves a step ahead assumption. We also often make assumptions about things that happen in our lives. We create ‘new truths’ which we believe are so. Ultimately, this assuming can lead to unnecessary anxiety, conflict or at the very least some serious misinterpretations of events and other’s words. Of course, rather than ask questions and get clarification, it is easier to hang on to our ‘new truths’ for dear life………like if you let go of it you might sink!!

Where does this leave us? If we continue to make assumptions, POSITIVES and JOY are going to be out of our reach because we will be too busy creating more assumptions to uphold the ‘new truths’ we created. Life will always have unnecessary drama and wasted energy if we live in this mode.

Active listening, questioning for clarity and not adding to the message can help us to uphold this third agreement. These three actions when practiced persistently can lead to POSITIVE daily habits that can bring JOY and peace to our lives.

Don Miguel Ruiz says: “We make all sorts of assumptions because we don’t have the courage to ask questions. We make the assumption that everybody sees life the mway we do.”

What assumptions have you made today? How did those assumptions impact you?

PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES

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Second Agreement:   Don’t Take Anything Personally

This is the second agreement from Don Miguel Ruiz’s Book, “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, a Toltec Wisdom Book”  ….still one of my favorite books.

In reality, there are probably several times a week when our feelings are hurt by something someone says about us or does to us, intentionally or not so intentionally, and either way,  it still hurts. We are all sensitive to how others view us and want to be thought of positively; that’s our human nature. In the moment though, it is hard to convince ourselves that it is about what the other person says or does as a reflection of their issues/opinions, not our thoughts or our actions. In addition, we have no control over others…..absolutely zero! They are going to think and do what it is they think and do, no matter what.

Making this second agreement part of our daily habits is important in uploading more JOY in our lives. So what do we do to begin this process? The key is that we have options regarding those words or actions that hurt us.  We can a) not respond, b) toughen up our outer skin, c) repeat in our own heads thoughts that are positive about ourselves, d) be confident in our own character and qualities and e) if we have to, limit or even eliminate association with that person. Save ourselves the hurt by trying to practice any of these ideas. Adopt the second agreement!

Don Miguel Ruiz says: “There is a huge amount of FREEDOM that comes to you when you take nothing personally.”

How soon can you begin to practice this habit and have more JOY and POSITIVES in your life?

 

 

PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES

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First Agreement: Be Impeccable with Your Word

One of my favorite books is by Don Miguel Ruiz, ” The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, a Toltec Wisdom Book”.  Although the title is lengthy, the book itself is a short, but a deep read, promoting four elemental keys to personal freedom from unhealthy actions that stifle our development.

The first of the agreements is to be impeccable with your word. Seems pretty straight forward correct? Basically, it implies that one must speak truth at all times, at all costs, maintaining self dignity. Others come to understand you as someone who can be trusted to ‘say it like it is’, to use a coined popular phrase. Being impeccable with your word does require the art of thinking before one speaks, knowing that your word will affect those who are listening. Knee – jerk responses have to be deleted….permanently. Taking even more practice is using silence as a method of being in truth. Sometimes not saying anything at all can have a greater impact than if we had chosen to say something, especially if it had negative overtones.

Finally, I would add that speaking truth also means that we speak to ourselves with integrity and POSITIVES. Negative self-talk is never helpful in the hourly, daily, weekly or long-term scope of life. Speak kindly, gently and truthfully to yourself, about yourself, as well as to others.

“No legacy is so rich as Honesty.” (William Shakespeare)

How does the truth change actions?

Stay tuned for the other three agreements.

PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES

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The Basket of Friendship!

Recently, I had a visit for a couple of days of a dear friend of nearly 40 years! What a delightful time we had reminiscing, laughing, planning for a future trip together (with husbands), and experiencing true contentment just seeing each other again.  I started thinking about real friendship and decided to create the basket of friendship above: loyalty + caring + supportive + trust + fun = JOY.

There are people in our lives who are acquaintances and we see them every so often,  but there is not a personal relationship with them. Situational friendships might be built around a group one belongs to. Mentor friendships may change over life as one grows and matures in a career.  Neighbors often turn out to be that helpful friend whom you can count on to assist with different things. There are also work friends that one might lunch with or stop in to have coffee or a drink with. Family members are often wonderful friends. Certainly, sometimes  friends within these circles do develop into  life long trusted friendships that bring JOY to one’s life.

It is a blessed life indeed if one has a few friends that are loyal through thick and thin; caring about you no matter what your status in life; supportive of you and your endeavors in life and will guide you if you fall off course; trusts you as you do them implicitly; and there is always joint fun and laughter. If life changes paths, and you do not see each other often, the friendship continues to grow with regular communication because that is probably the biggest denominator that binds you together…..that sharing of souls.  When you do see each other, it is like a day has never passed not sharing. One doesn’t need a multitude of this type of friend…….just a treasured few that bring  JOY.

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.” (Unknown)

Who is your most treasured friend and how can you nourish that friendship to bring even more JOY?