Author: purposejoyandpositives

PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES is a blog created to promote thoughts and ideas about gaining clearer PURPOSE in our lives, JOY in who we are and what we do, and sustaining POSITIVES. We are all on the journey called 'life' which has many paths for each of us. Sometimes, the path is clearer with PURPOSE and more JOY filled than others. Often, there will be crossroads........again we must chose. May our choices be about a fulfilling PURPOSE, JOY in the simple and profound, and abundant POSITIVES to sustain us on the journey. PJP

PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES

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Third Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions

We continue on with the third agreement from Don Miguel Ruiz’s Book, “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, a Toltec Wisdom Book”.  This one can really get us into trouble when not adhered to.

All too often we find ourselves ‘rushing in with our own thoughts’ as others are talking with us. Instead of listening, really listening, we drum up our own version, which usually involves a step ahead assumption. We also often make assumptions about things that happen in our lives. We create ‘new truths’ which we believe are so. Ultimately, this assuming can lead to unnecessary anxiety, conflict or at the very least some serious misinterpretations of events and other’s words. Of course, rather than ask questions and get clarification, it is easier to hang on to our ‘new truths’ for dear life………like if you let go of it you might sink!!

Where does this leave us? If we continue to make assumptions, POSITIVES and JOY are going to be out of our reach because we will be too busy creating more assumptions to uphold the ‘new truths’ we created. Life will always have unnecessary drama and wasted energy if we live in this mode.

Active listening, questioning for clarity and not adding to the message can help us to uphold this third agreement. These three actions when practiced persistently can lead to POSITIVE daily habits that can bring JOY and peace to our lives.

Don Miguel Ruiz says: “We make all sorts of assumptions because we don’t have the courage to ask questions. We make the assumption that everybody sees life the mway we do.”

What assumptions have you made today? How did those assumptions impact you?

PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES

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Second Agreement:   Don’t Take Anything Personally

This is the second agreement from Don Miguel Ruiz’s Book, “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, a Toltec Wisdom Book”  ….still one of my favorite books.

In reality, there are probably several times a week when our feelings are hurt by something someone says about us or does to us, intentionally or not so intentionally, and either way,  it still hurts. We are all sensitive to how others view us and want to be thought of positively; that’s our human nature. In the moment though, it is hard to convince ourselves that it is about what the other person says or does as a reflection of their issues/opinions, not our thoughts or our actions. In addition, we have no control over others…..absolutely zero! They are going to think and do what it is they think and do, no matter what.

Making this second agreement part of our daily habits is important in uploading more JOY in our lives. So what do we do to begin this process? The key is that we have options regarding those words or actions that hurt us.  We can a) not respond, b) toughen up our outer skin, c) repeat in our own heads thoughts that are positive about ourselves, d) be confident in our own character and qualities and e) if we have to, limit or even eliminate association with that person. Save ourselves the hurt by trying to practice any of these ideas. Adopt the second agreement!

Don Miguel Ruiz says: “There is a huge amount of FREEDOM that comes to you when you take nothing personally.”

How soon can you begin to practice this habit and have more JOY and POSITIVES in your life?

 

 

PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES

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First Agreement: Be Impeccable with Your Word

One of my favorite books is by Don Miguel Ruiz, ” The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, a Toltec Wisdom Book”.  Although the title is lengthy, the book itself is a short, but a deep read, promoting four elemental keys to personal freedom from unhealthy actions that stifle our development.

The first of the agreements is to be impeccable with your word. Seems pretty straight forward correct? Basically, it implies that one must speak truth at all times, at all costs, maintaining self dignity. Others come to understand you as someone who can be trusted to ‘say it like it is’, to use a coined popular phrase. Being impeccable with your word does require the art of thinking before one speaks, knowing that your word will affect those who are listening. Knee – jerk responses have to be deleted….permanently. Taking even more practice is using silence as a method of being in truth. Sometimes not saying anything at all can have a greater impact than if we had chosen to say something, especially if it had negative overtones.

Finally, I would add that speaking truth also means that we speak to ourselves with integrity and POSITIVES. Negative self-talk is never helpful in the hourly, daily, weekly or long-term scope of life. Speak kindly, gently and truthfully to yourself, about yourself, as well as to others.

“No legacy is so rich as Honesty.” (William Shakespeare)

How does the truth change actions?

Stay tuned for the other three agreements.

PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES

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The Basket of Friendship!

Recently, I had a visit for a couple of days of a dear friend of nearly 40 years! What a delightful time we had reminiscing, laughing, planning for a future trip together (with husbands), and experiencing true contentment just seeing each other again.  I started thinking about real friendship and decided to create the basket of friendship above: loyalty + caring + supportive + trust + fun = JOY.

There are people in our lives who are acquaintances and we see them every so often,  but there is not a personal relationship with them. Situational friendships might be built around a group one belongs to. Mentor friendships may change over life as one grows and matures in a career.  Neighbors often turn out to be that helpful friend whom you can count on to assist with different things. There are also work friends that one might lunch with or stop in to have coffee or a drink with. Family members are often wonderful friends. Certainly, sometimes  friends within these circles do develop into  life long trusted friendships that bring JOY to one’s life.

It is a blessed life indeed if one has a few friends that are loyal through thick and thin; caring about you no matter what your status in life; supportive of you and your endeavors in life and will guide you if you fall off course; trusts you as you do them implicitly; and there is always joint fun and laughter. If life changes paths, and you do not see each other often, the friendship continues to grow with regular communication because that is probably the biggest denominator that binds you together…..that sharing of souls.  When you do see each other, it is like a day has never passed not sharing. One doesn’t need a multitude of this type of friend…….just a treasured few that bring  JOY.

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.” (Unknown)

Who is your most treasured friend and how can you nourish that friendship to bring even more JOY?

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New growth is what I found in my perennial garden this week. It immediately brought HOPE to mind.

Hope is what we hang on to when perhaps we have lost our way, or the path looks bleak at the moment, or we have concerns about which path to take. Hope rises up to shape our future, if we believe that there are still possibilities untapped. We have to believe this in order to feel hope. Hope can move us from a place of negatives or fear to a place of positives to imagine what the future could hold. It can give you a sense of happiness and JOY to come. To hope is to visualize and formulate goals that can change your current situation….maybe even alter significantly the course of the outcome of the new goals.

So, to connect this to the new growth I captured above:  when the tiny  green sprouts of leaves spring forth from the dark cold winter ground, for me it always brings the excitement of beautiful  flowers and the birth of yet another breath taking  spring. It is a new beginning with new life which will come……..I just have to wait for a little more sunshine.

One of my favorite poets,  Emily Dickinson, is credited with this thought: “Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul – and sings the tunes without the words –  and never stops at all.”

Has hope ever changed your life and given you a new spring birth?

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Make the decision to be excited everyday! Choose to make it a winning day!

Most of our days are pretty ordinary days, unless you are a King or a Queen I guess. (Remember that show “Queen for a Day?”) Although,  I would imagine that even the King and Queen have some pretty ordinary days in their lives. It depends upon the perspective that one comes from. What might appear to be extraordinary to one person, is pretty ho-hum for someone else.

Sometimes, the day is a phenomenal experience that goes down in your book of life as one that you will never forget. But let’s face it, most days are like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, the weekend, and then you start it all over again. I believe that you could make a conscious decision before your feet hit the floor that this WILL be an outstanding day. Even though there is work, errands and the hum drum of life, one could choose to approach each task with the fore thought of being excited to  even have the tasks before you.  Many may not be so fortunate!

Create a  special intention for the task that brings the  feeling of well-being and JOY, especially upon completion. Is this easy every day? Definitely not! But it is like any other habit you develop: do it everyday and it becomes solidified in your brain that this is how you do your day. It is easier to have a winning day than it is to fight the inevitable tasks that are a necessary part of reality.

“Let us be lights of hope! Let us maintain a positive outlook on reality.” (Pope Francis)

How will you choose to start your day? Try the new habit for seven days and see how you feel at the end of each day. It is only seven days. What do you have to lose?

 

 

 

 

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Multitasking!  The lady in the comic above looks like how my mind was working this morning. There were calls to be made, calendar dates to check, arrangements to make for getting back home, catch up laundry, cleaning to pick up, and several other things I can’t even think of yet! In fact, I barely have had time for tea and it is already 11:00.

Multitasking is a great skill to have when it applies to cooking or housework while you are managing some other things…..just don’t get so involved that you forget the meat in the oven!! (been there). Optimally, focusing on the really important tasks  would be one at a time.  I believe that  when we let ourselves be inundated with all the things that seem to be calling  for completion right this minute, we forget to live in the moment of JOY. It seems that even PURPOSE for that day can get a little out of kilter. My experience is, which I need to remind myself this morning,  that it will all get done; not to worry!

If you opt for multitasking, here are some thoughts:

  1. Make the list the night before, generating all the ideas.
  2. Refine and prioritize the list first thing in the morning.
  3. Don’t start any task until you have done number 2.
  4. Pick the biggest  or the least favorite task and make it number 1. Then it is done and you feel 100 percent lighter.
  5. Stay focused on tasks as you start and finish them. Each task potentially has the greater chance of being completed correctly. (Other wise, you may find yourself redoing some tasks.)

“You can do two things at once, but you can’t focus effectively on two things at once.” (Gary Keller, author of The One Thing)

Am I focusing on the priorities of the day? Do I really need to multitask in order to get it all done? What would be so terrible if some things did wait until tomorrow?

(The picture caption is one I have had for a long time and do not remember who to credit it for. But I like it!)

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It goes without saying that gratitude goes a long way in keeping one upbeat and moving forward with good PURPOSE and JOY. It requires some effort to develop this habit of gratitude. Not all days is it easy to have this spirit.

Our emotions can burst forth with gratitude when our hearts are stirred by  a tragic event we hear on the radio or the television. When we are out and about and see someone who appears to be homeless,  our thoughts of gratitude for our own warm home spring to life. The silent prayer of ‘thankful we have not  experienced this’ is front and center when we see graphic images of tragedy. Other days, the general run of the mill day, gratitude may be elusive and seem out of reach. These days are the challenge.

Gratitude does not have to be all about the obvious and so-called Big Name events. It can be a simple holding of the door for someone who is less mobile or someone whose hands are full, or a heart-felt ‘thank you’ to that person that lets you go in front of them just because, or a nod/wave to the driver who gives you room to move into their lane, or a short note of appreciation to your friend/partner who spent time with you doing something you wanted to do. Cultivating this habit of gratitude on a daily basis brings a sense of JOY. Yes, it takes effort, but a definite ‘worth it’ habit.

What can you do tomorrow that would be an act of gratitude?

 

PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES

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A simple reading book and yet there are many young children who struggle to learn to read; some will reach adulthood and will not be able to read a book written at the eighth grade level. The National Institute for Literacy statistics report that this is 50% of adults. Other  statistics from this agency suggest that 45 million adults read below a 5th grade level and that 6 out of 10 households do not buy a single book in a year.

I realize that those who read this blog are certainly not in this category. I write to create an awareness of the need to promote literacy in our families, schools, and communities. Literacy should be fostered, demonstrated and supported  by each of us for the children whose paths cross with ours or that we are responsible for in life. Children who love to read are going to be lovers of learning; this creates an environment for learning to become life long, leading to the opportunity for successful careers and successful lives. Reading should bring JOY!

Ideas to promote literacy might include:

  1. Giving a book for birthdays or holidays.
  2. Reading a special book at family gatherings.
  3. Reading to children at the library.
  4. Going to a homeless shelter and setting up a regular time weekly to read a book to children.
  5. Donating books, both adult and children’s, to homeless shelters.
  6. Having books, magazines and newspapers visibly present in your home.

“The more you read the more things you know. The more that you learn the more places you’ll go.” (Dr. Seuss)

What is one thing you can do this week to promote literacy?

 

 

PURPOSE, JOY AND POSITIVES

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For me this picture speaks tranquility. The water is calm and the boats appear to be aimlessly floating along.  As I was sitting this morning with this view, I was contemplating when I feel most tranquil. The answers included  when I am in Yoga, painting,  with my grandkids, or viewing the ocean and hearing the waves softly lap at the shore. Yoga relaxes me completely and I usually am in the moment on my mat with a clear intention for the day. Painting brings forth my creativity with color and imagination of beauty; I can get lost in my picture for hours. The grandkids provide a different kind of tranquility; of course, it   is not always tranquil. The most tranquil time with them is when I am reading a book to them and they are  literally wrapped around me, or if I happen to be at their homes and get to tuck them in after their prayers.

These are simple moments of  JOY,  calm and a feeling of being ‘right with self and the world’. It isn’t about appearances, what money can buy,  where one might travel, or the pursuit of anything.  It is that inner place of  freedom from anxiety, doubt, or  stress one can get to when all other worldly distractions are set aside. One’s heart and mind can just be. Sometimes, we have to intentionally chose to find this place.

“It is in your power to withdraw yourself whenever you desire. Perfect tranquility within consists in the good ordering of the mind, the realm of your own.” (Marcus Aurelius)

What brings you tranquility?